Bull Dike Bus Ride

So, after a pleasant stay on a beautiful island that also happened to be magnetic, although nobody has actually checked this fact for the past 200 years, we found ourselves riding in a transport with a crazy man who thought he was Popeye. I believe that I mentioned this last time but this guy had his teeth removed to do the impression. He also wore real dried snakes on his arm. Jo says they are from some Hindu temple in India but I don't really believe it. So he drops us off to find our bus driver for the next two days. This is the shortest biggest bull dike of the worst type - spiky bleached hair. Oh No. So I have some ice cream to calm myself and because Popeye told us we'd be crazy not to try it and try to gather my emotions. We have a pleasant and quick ferry ride back to mainland (with free coffee!!) and board the last of the big green buses. I have been told for the last 2 weeks that I was on the last of the big green buses but this one is really it - or so they say.

First thing on the bus she plays some countryish song about how we are all going to die someday. A few bars: "We're all gonna die some day lord, we're all gonna die some day. Momma's on pills, Daddy's over the hill; we're all gonna die some day." Ridiculous. The madness continued and she sang at the top of her lungs to every song. Got excruciatingly bad. We almost rear ended about 5 cars who were turning off the road into driveways etc. and each time she yelled at them using the utmost vulgarity. I read an entire issue of Aussie Men's Health to pass the time. I learned the Brits would have worse teeth than they do if they didn't drink so much tea. I also learned Matthew McConeghy (sp) trains in Mexico with rocks. Neat. Stopped for a short (1k) rainforest walk that was unimpressive but jon jon and I had a superb time making monkey mating calls for all to hear. Even though there are no monkeys here.

That night the required stop was Mission Beach and it was a cool little spot. Nice cheap dinner of Shepard's Pie for $6 and it was yummy. You must understand that I usually only eat peanut butter sandwiches. Had that and a few $4 jugs of my fav XXXX Bitter beer. This was the first time drinking in a couple of weeks and they played some good music in the bar. I also learned about this old song called United States of Whatever. I suggest you all check it out for it is quite amusing. They also had a scavenger hunt and log fighting but I just couldn't be bothered to participate since we had to get back on the bus by 8 the next morning. Always too early. The next day was promised by several drivers to be great though.

We again started the morning, after almost being left, with the dying song. Always a good way to start the day. Before I forget the other most annoying things about this lady was the constant talk of female companionship (jk of course), and use of the words "random" and saying "yeah baby." She would say things like "I am about to do something random and drop you off outside the YHA hostel." When, in reality it was already planned and on the schedule. This word or that saying was uttered at least every 2 minutes.

We first went to the Johnstone Croc farm where they fed about 10 crocs for us. One was like 15m long. Saw some Cassowaries, petted some kangaroos and wallabies, and then got to hold our very own crocs and pythons. Had a great time with this and Mick even trusted me to hold his favorite child python. I felt honored for sure. Then off to Milla Milla falls and had a nice picnic there. I bought some Doritos for the occasion. Went swimming under this 150m behemoth and was pounded into submission from the weight of the water on my head. I tapped out and ate my lunch which some turkey eventually stole because I left it unattended for about 5 minutes. Next we went to some lake where the turtles "breed out the ass." Again I was confused and wondered whether that meant there were a lot of turtles or whether they are actually born out of the anus. Luckily I didn't see any turtles at all and have to figure it's the latter. Did a nice walk and played some hiking games - think keeping bears away in Alaska Ash. And finally we went to the AJ Hackett Bungee site outside of Cairns. It was a mere 50m but I did it because I am a real man and it scared the junk out of me. I also got a good deal and have the Nevis booked for NZ which is 143m over a canyon. Let's do conversion - that's almost 450ft. I might die.

Got into Cairns and checked into Gilligan's the nicest hostel ever. Every room has a nice bathroom and porch. Every floor has its own big screen and kitchen. It was kind of the same effect as a new Waffle House though; a little too clean to be comfortable. There was proper staff at check in and all that. Anyway it was sweet. Next day booked a trip to Cape Tribulation and Port Douglas. Should be good.