Yes, that's right i am a diver, officially, at least according to SSI. That's Scuba Schools International for those of y'all not in the know. Of course you have heard of PADI but i got duped into going with the lesser known SSI. It was super and i don't think it makes a difference; i have just heard they are more lax in their certification. Good for me because i am scared of the underwater abyss. Right Matt?
Anyway Jon and i signed up for this course so we could become pro divers in the same vein as Steve Zissou. To don all that equipment would certainly be a sight to behold. And with great and strange beings such as the fluorescent snapper, crayon sea horse, and the beautiful and deadly Jaguar Shark who wouldn't want to explore this underwater playground. Alas, i saw none of these famed creatures and was resigned to be happy with sea turtles, giant clams, trigger fish, lion fish, anemone, and even a few Nemos. But i get ahead of myself.
The first day of class after returning from quite a rain forest adventure brought with it adventure in its own right, no matter that it was confined to a classroom and non-heated pool. We watched several educational videos on equipment and all the various ways to die below water if you weren't careful. Quite interesting but i came to see the Great Barrier Reef and a few White Tip Sharks (which never happened mind you). So the first two days i was buddied up with Claudia a very nice German girl who was either a) shy b) didn't know English well c) didn't like me or d) all of the above. I personally think it was c but that will remain a mystery. We did exercises such as sharing air, switching masks, doing somersaults, emergency ascents, and equalizing our ears. I miserably failed this last one and still can't hear out of my left ear. Some of you may be well aware that a few summers back i ruptured that very ear near Lincolnton, GA and again a few months or a year later at Hartwell, SC. Yes, that ear will plague me the rest of my life whether searching for new underwater life or flying the friendly skies with Delta.
After the second day and more homework than i would have liked, i passed the written exam. All that was to be done now was to tame the great sea before me. I made it my bitch.
Aboard the MV Kangaroo Explorer, where i was to spend the next 2 days, I was suddenly struck with nervousness and excitement of being underwater in a new environ. I got assigned to live with Renaldo, the onboard "video guy" as it exclaimed on his shirt. He was alright but made himself scarce. The pointy ear studs were my only worry. That and the fact that he didn't need a mask to dive. If this is ever the case you should immediately regard the offending person as a freak and go on about your business trying to ignore them as long as possible. Our first dive went well and we stayed under about 25 min at a depth of 11m (all this information is contained in my SSI Dive Log for further inspection upon request). The second dive went well and i have to say that a size 4 wetsuit does not fit me very well. A bit tight and i was fooled into thinking that wetsuits were the new look for the season. That old trick of peeing in the wetsuit does, however, work. Second dive went well and Claudia and I were having a fantastic time. Her ears didn't work so well either and we had very slow descents. At some points a felt light headed and dizzy but had to press through in search of the Jaguar Shark and revenge that lay in my hands.
After a delicious dinner of red slop on rice i decided that i would be daring enough to do a night dive without even being certified. Yes, it was amazing and illegal but i loved it. Saw my first giant clam, trumpetfish, and parrot fish being eaten by a red snapper. That sly SOB used our underwater torches (English for flashlight) to guide him to his prey. David my Frenchie dive partner and assistant teacher shined it on the offended parrot fish who was resting his eyes in his mucus membrane. One minute sweet dreams, the next a struggle for life. I felt horrible but it was the most exciting part of the dive. The other group saw sharks though. Wah.
Yeah next day we did a dive at dawn and a certification dive at 8 which got a little crazy. We did the mask switch underwater, had a dance competition, made signs for the camera, and played (some erotically) with the sea cucumbers. We were all certified and our next dive we would be alone with our buddy within Mother Oceania's womb. This dive was great. C and I planned our dive route and figured we would have nearly 40 min underwater if everything went right. We were to swim counterclockwise around the bomme on port then to the wall off the bow and sweep inside the bomme off starboard. Hoping to see amazing things. All went according to plan (and my amazing sense of direction) and we made it around the first and over to the wall. From there we started swimming and not finding the other bomme turned back. Luckily we did and got to touch a turtle. We saw giant trigger fish, an eel, the biggest clam in the world, the biggest anemone in the world, and 4 turtles. Sweet as.
We made it back to base and congratulated ourselves on a successful first dive. All precautions heeded and equipment passed without fail. This underwater environment is amazing and i hope to get back ASAP. Wish you guys could have been there to share the almost surreal experience. Once you get comfortable down there you realize you now have more than twice as much of Earth's surface to explore. Hope you are all well wherever you may be. Live long and prosper.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Into the Richest Rainforest
Yes, that's right the rain forest of northeast Australia is some of the richest in the world and used to be the very richest. I heard this and many more amazing things aboard the Foaming Fury bus. Cool name eh? We booked this bus for 3 days and 2 nights for $120 i think and that included some food and two nights accom. Wow what a deal. We first had a lovely quiche and local coffee (not that nescafe crap) at a roadside kinda place. Then on to the Daintree river for a cruise and Croc sighting. Also saw the biggest bean pod in the world and some other cool as stuff. I was afraid to hang my legs over the side for fear a croc might smell me and want to give me a little death roll for a mid morning meal. I got lucky i suppose since i didn't get dragged to my death.
On to a rain forest walk where i made good friends with the guide. Good enough so as to have him pick me of all people to taste a green tree ant's bum. Taste's like citrus with a little sting and their nests taste like lime sherbet. Yummy. Saw crabs, strangler figs, widowmakers, and the Cairns palm. All quite nice.
We got dropped off at the Cape Trib beach house and had a nice little cabin on the beach. This is the only place in the world where 2 world heritage sites come together. Those being the Daintree Rain forest and the Great Barrier Reef. Sweetness but the beach wasn't great. Coral right off shore and many stingers supposedly in the water. Went for a nice rock hopping walk up the coast only to see oil tankers and shrimp boats at the point. Mui tranquilo up here and we played Scrabble all night and i had a dinner of rice and soy sauce. I assure you that i chose this path. Went on a walk to the Emmigen creek the next morning before our 1:15 departure. We were told it was a big clear creek w/o crocs and plenty of swimming room. At first we didn't see this. Luckily my sense of adventure and exploration set in and i found a path up to a sweet as swimming hole complete with a rope swing and cliff to jump off of. Had a grand ol time with pics and video soon, but had to head back.
Got dropped off in Port Douglas after a swim at Mossman Gorge. Freezing water and rapids that hurt to go down but totally worth it in the end. Pt Doug was sweet and rich. Elton John has a house there, Clinton and Beckham came last year. A true Aussie resort town. Quite expensive but had a good night of reading , cooking, and sitting in another great hostel find. Next day didn't do shit except sit and bask in the sun, read, explore some shops, look at 4 mile beach, and meet some Canadian chicks. Good time but nothing amazing to report here. And then back to Cairns - Party Central.
On to a rain forest walk where i made good friends with the guide. Good enough so as to have him pick me of all people to taste a green tree ant's bum. Taste's like citrus with a little sting and their nests taste like lime sherbet. Yummy. Saw crabs, strangler figs, widowmakers, and the Cairns palm. All quite nice.
We got dropped off at the Cape Trib beach house and had a nice little cabin on the beach. This is the only place in the world where 2 world heritage sites come together. Those being the Daintree Rain forest and the Great Barrier Reef. Sweetness but the beach wasn't great. Coral right off shore and many stingers supposedly in the water. Went for a nice rock hopping walk up the coast only to see oil tankers and shrimp boats at the point. Mui tranquilo up here and we played Scrabble all night and i had a dinner of rice and soy sauce. I assure you that i chose this path. Went on a walk to the Emmigen creek the next morning before our 1:15 departure. We were told it was a big clear creek w/o crocs and plenty of swimming room. At first we didn't see this. Luckily my sense of adventure and exploration set in and i found a path up to a sweet as swimming hole complete with a rope swing and cliff to jump off of. Had a grand ol time with pics and video soon, but had to head back.
Got dropped off in Port Douglas after a swim at Mossman Gorge. Freezing water and rapids that hurt to go down but totally worth it in the end. Pt Doug was sweet and rich. Elton John has a house there, Clinton and Beckham came last year. A true Aussie resort town. Quite expensive but had a good night of reading , cooking, and sitting in another great hostel find. Next day didn't do shit except sit and bask in the sun, read, explore some shops, look at 4 mile beach, and meet some Canadian chicks. Good time but nothing amazing to report here. And then back to Cairns - Party Central.
Bull Dike Bus Ride
So, after a pleasant stay on a beautiful island that also happened to be magnetic, although nobody has actually checked this fact for the past 200 years, we found ourselves riding in a transport with a crazy man who thought he was Popeye. I believe that I mentioned this last time but this guy had his teeth removed to do the impression. He also wore real dried snakes on his arm. Jo says they are from some Hindu temple in India but I don't really believe it. So he drops us off to find our bus driver for the next two days. This is the shortest biggest bull dike of the worst type - spiky bleached hair. Oh No. So I have some ice cream to calm myself and because Popeye told us we'd be crazy not to try it and try to gather my emotions. We have a pleasant and quick ferry ride back to mainland (with free coffee!!) and board the last of the big green buses. I have been told for the last 2 weeks that I was on the last of the big green buses but this one is really it - or so they say.
First thing on the bus she plays some countryish song about how we are all going to die someday. A few bars: "We're all gonna die some day lord, we're all gonna die some day. Momma's on pills, Daddy's over the hill; we're all gonna die some day." Ridiculous. The madness continued and she sang at the top of her lungs to every song. Got excruciatingly bad. We almost rear ended about 5 cars who were turning off the road into driveways etc. and each time she yelled at them using the utmost vulgarity. I read an entire issue of Aussie Men's Health to pass the time. I learned the Brits would have worse teeth than they do if they didn't drink so much tea. I also learned Matthew McConeghy (sp) trains in Mexico with rocks. Neat. Stopped for a short (1k) rainforest walk that was unimpressive but jon jon and I had a superb time making monkey mating calls for all to hear. Even though there are no monkeys here.
That night the required stop was Mission Beach and it was a cool little spot. Nice cheap dinner of Shepard's Pie for $6 and it was yummy. You must understand that I usually only eat peanut butter sandwiches. Had that and a few $4 jugs of my fav XXXX Bitter beer. This was the first time drinking in a couple of weeks and they played some good music in the bar. I also learned about this old song called United States of Whatever. I suggest you all check it out for it is quite amusing. They also had a scavenger hunt and log fighting but I just couldn't be bothered to participate since we had to get back on the bus by 8 the next morning. Always too early. The next day was promised by several drivers to be great though.
We again started the morning, after almost being left, with the dying song. Always a good way to start the day. Before I forget the other most annoying things about this lady was the constant talk of female companionship (jk of course), and use of the words "random" and saying "yeah baby." She would say things like "I am about to do something random and drop you off outside the YHA hostel." When, in reality it was already planned and on the schedule. This word or that saying was uttered at least every 2 minutes.
We first went to the Johnstone Croc farm where they fed about 10 crocs for us. One was like 15m long. Saw some Cassowaries, petted some kangaroos and wallabies, and then got to hold our very own crocs and pythons. Had a great time with this and Mick even trusted me to hold his favorite child python. I felt honored for sure. Then off to Milla Milla falls and had a nice picnic there. I bought some Doritos for the occasion. Went swimming under this 150m behemoth and was pounded into submission from the weight of the water on my head. I tapped out and ate my lunch which some turkey eventually stole because I left it unattended for about 5 minutes. Next we went to some lake where the turtles "breed out the ass." Again I was confused and wondered whether that meant there were a lot of turtles or whether they are actually born out of the anus. Luckily I didn't see any turtles at all and have to figure it's the latter. Did a nice walk and played some hiking games - think keeping bears away in Alaska Ash. And finally we went to the AJ Hackett Bungee site outside of Cairns. It was a mere 50m but I did it because I am a real man and it scared the junk out of me. I also got a good deal and have the Nevis booked for NZ which is 143m over a canyon. Let's do conversion - that's almost 450ft. I might die.
Got into Cairns and checked into Gilligan's the nicest hostel ever. Every room has a nice bathroom and porch. Every floor has its own big screen and kitchen. It was kind of the same effect as a new Waffle House though; a little too clean to be comfortable. There was proper staff at check in and all that. Anyway it was sweet. Next day booked a trip to Cape Tribulation and Port Douglas. Should be good.
First thing on the bus she plays some countryish song about how we are all going to die someday. A few bars: "We're all gonna die some day lord, we're all gonna die some day. Momma's on pills, Daddy's over the hill; we're all gonna die some day." Ridiculous. The madness continued and she sang at the top of her lungs to every song. Got excruciatingly bad. We almost rear ended about 5 cars who were turning off the road into driveways etc. and each time she yelled at them using the utmost vulgarity. I read an entire issue of Aussie Men's Health to pass the time. I learned the Brits would have worse teeth than they do if they didn't drink so much tea. I also learned Matthew McConeghy (sp) trains in Mexico with rocks. Neat. Stopped for a short (1k) rainforest walk that was unimpressive but jon jon and I had a superb time making monkey mating calls for all to hear. Even though there are no monkeys here.
That night the required stop was Mission Beach and it was a cool little spot. Nice cheap dinner of Shepard's Pie for $6 and it was yummy. You must understand that I usually only eat peanut butter sandwiches. Had that and a few $4 jugs of my fav XXXX Bitter beer. This was the first time drinking in a couple of weeks and they played some good music in the bar. I also learned about this old song called United States of Whatever. I suggest you all check it out for it is quite amusing. They also had a scavenger hunt and log fighting but I just couldn't be bothered to participate since we had to get back on the bus by 8 the next morning. Always too early. The next day was promised by several drivers to be great though.
We again started the morning, after almost being left, with the dying song. Always a good way to start the day. Before I forget the other most annoying things about this lady was the constant talk of female companionship (jk of course), and use of the words "random" and saying "yeah baby." She would say things like "I am about to do something random and drop you off outside the YHA hostel." When, in reality it was already planned and on the schedule. This word or that saying was uttered at least every 2 minutes.
We first went to the Johnstone Croc farm where they fed about 10 crocs for us. One was like 15m long. Saw some Cassowaries, petted some kangaroos and wallabies, and then got to hold our very own crocs and pythons. Had a great time with this and Mick even trusted me to hold his favorite child python. I felt honored for sure. Then off to Milla Milla falls and had a nice picnic there. I bought some Doritos for the occasion. Went swimming under this 150m behemoth and was pounded into submission from the weight of the water on my head. I tapped out and ate my lunch which some turkey eventually stole because I left it unattended for about 5 minutes. Next we went to some lake where the turtles "breed out the ass." Again I was confused and wondered whether that meant there were a lot of turtles or whether they are actually born out of the anus. Luckily I didn't see any turtles at all and have to figure it's the latter. Did a nice walk and played some hiking games - think keeping bears away in Alaska Ash. And finally we went to the AJ Hackett Bungee site outside of Cairns. It was a mere 50m but I did it because I am a real man and it scared the junk out of me. I also got a good deal and have the Nevis booked for NZ which is 143m over a canyon. Let's do conversion - that's almost 450ft. I might die.
Got into Cairns and checked into Gilligan's the nicest hostel ever. Every room has a nice bathroom and porch. Every floor has its own big screen and kitchen. It was kind of the same effect as a new Waffle House though; a little too clean to be comfortable. There was proper staff at check in and all that. Anyway it was sweet. Next day booked a trip to Cape Tribulation and Port Douglas. Should be good.
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