Scurvy on the high seas

Watch out for that Scurvy crew they might start a mutiny and take over this bloody vessel.

Yes, this is the nonsense that i put up with while aboard the Defender one of a fleet of three tall ships in the Aussie Adventure Sailing crew. It was a 110 year old Queenslander, which, in lay terms means that it looked like a pirate ship with some funky sails. Tons of bonus sails up front too we were to find out on the last day. So we are in the Whitsundays off the coast of Airlie Beach for a 3 day 2 night adventure in which Jon and i are determined that we will start a mutiny to take over this old wreck and it's crew of 3 and 3 volunteers which could be easily swayed since Jo had somehow blagged on as one from her previous voyage. From the beginning we were looking for recruits who could keep the idea on the down low but were bold enough to carry through when the time came. It was a slow process but eventually got an 18 year old English guy and a couple from San Diego to join us in our endeavor (not to mention dream). The one thing standing in our way was Captain Gary. He was meaner than a snake (think Jimmy Jarrett) and a bloke in Jon's room the day before told us he was strangled against the wall of the wheel house when he accidentally grabbed the captain's ever so precious iPod charger. Tough going this was to be.

So with this crew of three was Jay a freakishly blond tall guy who made up rules as he went. One such rule was to always stay with the group while hiking. This was promptly broken and there was all hell to pay. Luckily they let me back on the ship and didn't make me swim back in the rain. Another is "Do what i say, not what i do" and this one went for everything. I tried to climb out on some rock and this rule came into effect. The funny thing is that much like Dingo there were "No Rules!!!" on the boat. Except the obvious seaman's code of conduct. Yeah he did end up teaching us where Leo the Lion, the Southern Cross, Sagittarius, Sirius, and other constellations/stars were. Then there was Ricky who i only talked to once for about an hour but he seemed solid and talked of surfing in canals being pulled by quadbikes (four wheelers to normal folks). Then there was Alison the cook and she was fine but made herself scarce. Then the volunteers. One was also Jay (i think) and followed the other Jay and tried to take pictures with his new Canon digital SLR but they all sucked and he was selling copies of a CD for $20 which seemed a bit excessive for a pile of poo. Also was the other kitchen helper whom i never got to know because she may have been mute. She did smile though so i know she was alive and thinking at least. And then there was Jo which could be easily pulled over to our side and the hostile takeover we were about to attempt.

Scurvy was our main worry on the high seas and in preparation JP and i each drank several gallons of lemonade since we had heard the citric acid really helps. Thing is we did it beforehand and put ourselves in danger of developing this disease on board from all the moldy cheese and hard tack we were to eat on the journey to the reefs. We stopped at some island and hiked where we broke just under 20 of the 1,000,000,000 rules that were on board. Luckily it was a gorgeous day and this gave us ample opportunity to figure out how to get into the wheel house during the night and commandeer the ship. Among the supplies we brought on board were no change of clothes, 2 toothbrushes, a half box of wine, pint of SoCo, iPod, 2 cameras, and maybe a towel. We would need to invite Macgyver (sp?) over to help (gimmee an avocado and a snorkel and i can make you a bong in 30 seconds). So the rest of the trip was left to planning and the takeover never happened because Alison, Jo, and nameless girl cooked too much food and made us fat and lethargic. So, moral of the story is if you plan a mutiny you need supplies and to follow through with the plan.

One night we were sleeping on deck despite a considerable downpour and one of the two UK rockstars on board woke up and screamed several things at the rain including obscenities not to be displayed here (this is f---ing brilliant, where are all the scandies they are so f---ing cool). These sayings or sayings resembling these sayings were actually said. This is just a tribute. During this night i was sleeping on the side of the deck, apparently downhill, and i had a river running through my pad and blanket and i don't think i slept longer than 30 minutes at a time. Great night. Luckily you get to get up early on a ship and brekky is served at 7am. Along with coffee, plenty of it.

Also, WE SAILED, WE WERE SAILORS (What about Bob? copyright 1990?). Tied up to the mast and everything - way cool. Also we did Titanic poses and were constantly yelling about the port side, setting the main sail, getting in the crows nest, icebergs dead ahead, rogue waves, etc, etc. It was basically a great time on the open seas even though we never saw the open seas. We went to Whitehaven beach which is one of the whitest beaches in the world and has some of the finest sand in the world (more silica) so that was rad. Played Frisbee and i taught Jon the game Steve and i play a lot which is keep feet planted and throw back and forth as many times as possible - we got 28 i think. Also did some fire twirling and model rolling in the waves. Problem was it was (is) still stinger season and these jellyfish can either kill you or really hurt i don't know which. So, to combat this problem they rented us some stinger suits. Basically full body lycra with hood (Steve Zissou). These were also used in our 2 snorkeling adventures off the boat. Saw some cool fish and coral but visibility was bad and tide was bad in both places so that was kind of a bummer. I did learn to go under and blow out the water though so i figure i can do anything now.

On the way home we hoisted all of the sails. Six i believe. I helped out quite a bit because i am so darn strong. I was now on the side of the regulars and was being called part of the Scurvy crew by Jay (alien). The thing we did was he yelled "two, six" (apparently rope numbers in the olden days) and we would yell "heave" good stuff. I really worked hard because i think the sail weighed well over an imperial tonne. We had a good blow that day and made it back in record time. No, i will never forget the mistakes i made in planning the mutiny or in trying to fight Scurvy but i will try and forget the sleepless nights on deck.